today is the 1st day that I am living again in the REAL WORLD.
i am SAD but NOT DISCOURAGED.
a priest once told me that bad things happen to us and
if we are really sorry for it, GOD always forgives us.
It is ok for us to be sad for our guilt because we know that in the future we still hope not to do the bad things again. we are sad now, and we learn, in time we grow.
Against if we are discouraged, we see that there's no more chance to stand up again and just opt to continue being bad.
God does not want us hurt, He never willed it. What He willed is only the Good things for us. It is our freedom that makes not-so-good things possible.
I am happy and grateful that the seminary has helped me alot to see the real me. The weaknesses, the strengths and the potentials.
In the seminary we all carry our crosses and I'm blessed to have my consolations (teary eyes na ako). These young men have also thier concerns but stepped out of their way just to make sure that we all together SMILE or even LAUGH for a moment. Who know who you are - sems, ex-sems, externs, lay people, salesians- and to you THANK YOU VERY MUCH.
Even the formators were not exempted from these heavy crosses. To some seminarians a rather not appealing decision may entail a great effort to address everyone's concern/need. And as human as they are they are also limited to give at some point.
Yes I am IMPERFECT. I have problems (physical, mental, emotional health). But this is not the WHOLE of ME. I have also alot of GOOD things to share (not to mention my sunshine smile). I am Now accepting all of these things as what really comprises a HUMAN called ALAN and I can say with confidence to God that I'm exerting all effort to use all what he'd given me for His glory.
I have encountered a lot of Crisis inside the structure of Carreño Formation House but all of these, as Fr. Arvin said, are God's means of purifying me. Good that in this early stage i'm being made aware of my issues so that i can fix it at this moment. All i need is to spent time with Him. Just be there infront of Him, thinking nothing, unloading all burdens, listen to His voice in the silence, giving my full trust to him. I learned to give God daily an hour of my existence and Mary beads of Glory.
I trust in the Lord and at the same time I don't discount the fact that we are living with people who thinks differently from how God thinks.
"the more you know, the more that you do not know" holds very true for us because what are exposed to might just be part of a bigger picture. this does not suggest for us to stay ignorant but instead be humble. Humble that even though we have given our best and still if to no good, believe me it would really take an enormous courage to be humble and just offer it to the Lord. You would really have to strip every piece of pride within you in order to accomplish this easier-said-than-done cliche.
Just as the lyrics of a song go: "I know nothing of tomorrow, except the Love of God will rise before the sun" i feel sad but not discouraged to carry my cross in the real world again.
Mary Help of Christians, pray for us.
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